b r a v e c r e a t u r e s

I think it would be fair to say that I have been less than particularly enthusiastic about the Zune, Microsoft's foray into the music player market.

Touted as the iPod killer its numerous flaws, not to mention its tasteless brown colour, have rapidly earned39;t it an America wide yawn - and only in America because the music marketplace it works with isn't available elsewhere yet.

Just to recap its failings

1. The Zune is incompatible with Windows Media Player, you can only use the Zune software (because we needed ANOTHER music player)
2. Only works with specific versions of Windows, not Mac OS X or Linux.
3. The supporting software won't install on many computers running Windows XP
4. and is rumoured to not be compatible with Windows Vista
5. The Zune can't be used as an external storage device
6. Wont accept or play TV shows recorded using Windows Media Center's digital video recorder
7. It only speaks English
8. The Zune Marketplace only accepts Microsoft Credits, not real money

I suggested a while ago that I would really have likes to be in the meetings where they were defining the thing, and to meet the product manager crazy brave enough to enter a battle of marketing wit with Steve Jobs apparently almost completely unarmed. Clearly some other people at MS have stopped drinking the cool aid long enough to think some of the same things.

Today its been reported that Bryan Lee, corporate vice president at Microsoft's entertainment and devices division, is going to be moving on to "pursue his own interests". I have a mental picture of all the Microsoft employees out in the car park will Bill shouting - " WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PIECE OF SITH" and every one stepping back to leave Bryan standing there. Trapped like a geek in headlights.

Shame.

I thought it would be worth while to reflect a little on the past year. I set myself a few goals for 2006 so lets have a look at how I did.

First and foremost

> Be happier

Definitely!

After the appallingly unhappy years of 2004 & 2005, '06 has been MUCH better. I have been caring a whole lot less what other people think, been concerning myself with my own stuff and living within my own limits. I had put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect, get everything right and not fail at anything I do, and that's just not possible I am afraid. I think the biggest thing I am learning is to forgive myself my weaknesses and worry about the things that I can effect and control rather than all the things outside my control.

With a new job has come some opportunities to affirm my capabilities to myself. The last job I had in the US was pretty draining in the end, and with all the other things that were going on behind my back - lies, betrayal, infidelity - my confidence was pretty shaken. This new role has allowed me to regain some of my strength, while the year of so off has taught me to not value myself for my work alone.

> Learn Spanish

Not quite.

Having met quite a number of Francophone's at the start of 2006 I went for French instead.

J'ai étudié French pour six mois avec L'Alliance de Francaise et je jouis l'expérience. My french classes are all of Saturday morning, about 4 hours each week. Its pretty draining, but I like the mental challenge. Apparently I have a good accent and my construction is good, but I need to work a little more on my vocab. I suspect I will try studying a different way this year as I appear to be spending a lot of time shuttling to Sydney on the weekends, which is difficult if my Saturday mornings are taken up.

I am enjoying it a lot though so I don't plan to give it up. I would really like to spend some time in France soon, as I suspect that would really help. I am thinking I might need to relocate for a while to Europe so I can get some immersion.
 
> Physical Adventures

I work out a lot, and mostly I enjoy the exercise, but I feel that gym work is a bit limited and unreal so this year I wanted to do some more physical things. While I didn't get into a really regular routine with anything, I managed a few adventures.
In January of this year I went diving on the Great Barrier Reef with a mate from France, and had a fantastic time. I learnt to dive after visiting the Maldives with Stephen in 1996. I got my certificate after that and went diving a couple of times, but dating an (unadventurous) asthmatic put a bit of a crimp in that so I hadn't been diving for years.

Its a really beautiful and peaceful experience.

Even my overactive cognition slows to a putter when I am underwater and my head is full of only the sounds of my own breathing.

I also went rock climbing a few times, which TOUGH but great. Its made harder for me given that I am nearly 115kgs and that's a lot of weight to dangle from your fingertips. I think there are also some technical skills that I need to learn because I was pretty crap at it, but I think I might go on an adventure weekend this year and see if I can pick a few things up.

Gliding is not exactly a physical adventure, but it was a blast none the less. I had developed over the long dark tea time of the soul that was '04/'05 a bit of an aversion to heights and flying. I found I had gotten really anxious about it, so I figured the best way to deal with that developing fear was to face it.

Gliding is an amazing sensation, peaceful and not at all scary - which surprised me a bit. I didn't go in for any acrobatics, unlike my adventure partner, but next time I will. And i am sure there will be a next time.

I am working my way up to parachuting, but one step at a time I think.

> Finish my Masters

Oops. Didn't get this one done. But you cant do everything. I have until the middle of next year so I still have some time up my sleeve, but I need to get a wriggle on.

> See more of Australia

After travelling in America, I decided that I need to make sure I had seen more of my own home country before I stepped outside again.
This year I managed Cairns, Port Douglas, the Daintree, the Reef, Batemans Bay, Jarvis Bay, Canberra , Byron Bay, Lismore and the Yarra Valley. I want to do some more short trips this year coming and I REALLY want to get to Uluru. I have not seen the desert interior of my country and I want to. I would love to cross the Nullabore on the  Indian Pacific train, or go to Darwin on the Ghan. We will see how those plans come along.

All up I think I did pretty well for 2006, so now its time to start thinking about what's on for 2007. I will make a more definitive list by my birthday in mid January, but for now here are some opening thoughts.

> Plan less, be more in the moment
> Become more financially stable
> Save the deposit for a apartment for my mother and purchase said property
> Complete my Masters thesis
> Disconnect myself completely from my ex (there is still some peripheral entanglement, but I am chipping away at it)
> Travel overseas again
> More physical adventures
 - Abseil
 - Parachute
 - Rafting
 - Snowboarding

As a final note on 2006 I think I will remember it as the year that I learned my heart hadn't grown cold and hard. It seems as badly hurt as I was by my ex, my capacity to be open and trusting was only set aside, not forsaken. While I have been proving this to myself, there is someone who as been a catalyst. I don't know where things are going with him, but I do know that  I am enjoying it and I have missed him a lot while we have been off on our separate, long pre-planned, Christmas getaways.

Things have been a little busy here lately, what with one thing and another, so I (clearly) haven't been writing.

My trusty N80 has a few partial blog entries in it but nothing is complete.

The concern my absence has caused has been palpable here at Brave Creatures where the phone has rung and a letter flooded in.

A concerned neighbour even popped past, although that was to ask me since the Eurovision Song Contest is now sadly past for the year, to stop playing Anna Sahlene. Or at the very least to stop singing along.

So now I am back writing - "fearlessly journaling unchampioned minutiae" is our catch cry‡ here at Brave Creatures and we don't want to disappoint our faithful reader(s?), or at least no more than normal.

So tonight its all about media players in the news. 

In a deal that smacks of about-time-ness and which will have teeth gnashing up at Kiamo Ko Castle, the Seattle lair of the evil empire, the relentless march of the iPod continues for the as the seemingly ubiquitous, byo entertainment device.

The story is that Apple is teaming up with Air France, Continental, Delta, Emirates, KLM and United to provide a hookup  between your iPod and their in-flight entertainment systems. These airlines are going to offer passengers an in-seat connection which will power and charge iPods during flight and allow the videos to be viewed on the seat back displays.

Woohoo!

For me the next step is kiosks that let you purchase video or music at the airport and sync it to you ipod without using your computer as an intermediate.

Now lets jut compare that little piece of marketing genius from Apple to their, well, "competitors" is a strong word in this case, lets just say "alternative".

Poor Microsoft, and the sadly names "Zune " - the self proclaimed iPod killer. They are managing to underwhelm whole continents of people - without even being released. Most of Europe appears to be getting in ahead of the Christmas rush, and  have started ignoring the Zune now before demand gets too high.

If you haven't heard anything about it yet, in short Zune is MS's new music player and online music service. Its big, its boxy, it not backwards compatible with MS's old music services, it comes in ugly brown, it has nearly pointless WiFi in it and the music store wont be available outside the US until late 2007 - which is basically forever in marketing terms.

The WiFi feature is particularly dumb, it smacks of Seattle bound geeks who have no social skills trying to design a sales channel and attempting to disguise it as a social networking tool. Like a giraffe in high heels - its fun about once, and then it wears completely thin.

And probably has PETA chasing you with a cease and desist order.

Another of its features-not-faults is that it doesn't work with Windows Vista or Windows Media Player 11.

Just pause to absorb that for a second.

It doesnt work with Microsofts own latest generation operating system and media player/management tool. But then why would it, they are only from the same company and are intended to be the hub of Microsofts new media strategy. You have to use the specific Zune software to sync with it - because we needed ANOTHER media management tool.

Oh, and the Zune is incompatible with Microsoft's own PlaysForSure digital rights management standard too.

And it doesn't support podcasts. 

Finally lets just talk about how you "purchase" music - if you ever make it that far. Just to prove that nothing can't be made unnecessarily complicated, the Zune "Marketplace†" doesn't use money. Well not directly.

First you need to buy Microsoft points, the very same ones I haven't managed to spend yet on XBox live yet. The Marketplace only accepts these Points, with an individual track typically costing the equivalent of the iTunes-standard 99 cents.

By forcing users to buy blocks of Points (with a $5 minimum), the Marketplace only has to pay one credit-card processing fee. Nice for them, but clouding the cost from us, since a point isnt worth exactly a dollar.

Points will also persumably make it easier for the Zune Marketplace to institute variable pricing. The music industry wants it desperately. The industry has been pressuring Apple to abandon its flat 99 cent pricing and start charging more for "hot" tracks, but apparently Job is standing firm against the high pitched whining of the media execs.

All up the Zune appears to have been exclusively designed by a committee of marketers from the record companies - and so underwhelming a product that even reviewers cant keep focused on it for more than a few seconds. 

‡ that or either - "what is she wearing" or "you can never have too many hats, gloves or shoes. We're still trying to decide.

†perhaps "Bizaar" would be a better term here than "Marketplace".

The god botherers in the US seem to be tearing themselves apart, and from a distance its actually kind of sad to watch. Up close its probably a little more scary.

After the whole Foley debacle, now comes Rev. Ted Haggard, former president of the National Association of Evangelicals and arguably one of the State's most influential Christian leaders. 

Lets recap for those of you that have missed it;

Long term anti same-sex marriage advocate, Ted Haggard, has been accused by male prostitute, Mike Jones†, of carrying on a three year sex-for-cash relationship that included the use, or at least purchase, of the drug methanphetamine.

Mr Haggard has fought long and hard to oppose same sex marriage in the United States, both politically and from his Colorado Mega Church pulpit. He has been actively engaged in promoting Amendment 43, a proposal on Colorado's election ballot that would define marriage as the union of a man and a woman.

Mr. Haggard, 50, who is married and has five children, has consistently denied the sex accusation, saying in a television interview: "I am steady with my wife. I'm faithful to my wife." 

Lets be clear here, as far as Google News and I can find, there is no evidence one way or another in this case. There is no smoking gun, no DNA covered little blue dress, no IM Chat logs. Its just finger pointing.

Ted is just being hoisted on the cross of media fueled innuendo.

In a country where  you are supposedly innocent unproven guilty, the irony is not lost on me that the tables are fast turning on the Christian Right who have, for the last 12  years, taken power by denouncing from their pulpits those they perceive as "immoral".

Not that any of this is new  in the US, this behaviour just keeps turning up - look back to the 50's and you have the McCarthy trials or back to the 1800's for the Salem witch trials. There is no substantive difference - apart from how fast the media can broadcast it all.

So here is the thing for me Ted, can I call you Ted? I am happy for you if you are "steady" with your wife. I hope that you two have a strong, happy marriage. I hope that the two of you go on to have a really wonderful life together into ripe old age and that the current drama you are embroiled in doesn't adversely effect your relationship. I don't think that dabbling with a prostitute, or even using meth* NECESSARILY makes you a bad person, a bad husband or a bad father.

I am not going to judge you for the things you have done, I have not walked in your shoes, I don't know why you may have done any of this - as long as you own them, take responsibility and make amends where necessary. I have no problem with you getting a little back door action from Mr Jones if that was the case.

Where I do have a problem is you getting up and denouncing me and mine. Saying that my life, the loves that I have found, are not of equal value to yours is not your place or your right. Particularly if its a cover for your own guilt as it appears to be.

Time and again it seems the most rabid fag haters turn out to actually be hiding some inclinations of their own; Mr Foley, the onetime chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children and accused peadophile, is a sad case in point; and as you appear to be Ted.

Is it any surprise that Ted's impression of the gay world is that it is furtive, seamy and loveless if all of his experience has been in darkened hotel rooms and with prostitutes.

For those of us who embrace our sexuality, things are a whole lot sunnier. 

If these allegations are true, Mr Haggard has some serious soul searching to do as to WHY he is so publically opposed to gay marriage. If they are not maybe he is going to have an incling of what its like to be persecuted, the way he has been persecuting people.

So Ted, go back to your wife and apologise if thats necessary - or invite her along next time, you never know she might like to join in - but stop with the bible bashing when it comes to gay relationships and gay marriage. 

†Mike Jones is totally hot 

*Don't get me wrong, meth is a highly addictive and dangerous drug

‡Not dissing sex workers here - only that Ted has denounced publicly gay sex, gay relationships, prostitution and drug use while apparently keeping this part of his life in shadows

Its Sunday night and I was standing in my living room doing my ironing for the week. Yes, I know. Don't faint. All of this talent etc. and he can keep a house as well. Shocking I know. 

I should be clear, my skills are not all encompassing.

• Cooking, very much so
• Dishes, not if I cooked for you. That's not fair 
• Ironing, grudgingly but well
• Laundry, no problem. I even weaned myself of tumbler dryer dependence
• Cleaning. This is my failing. I am NOT a good cleaner I am afraid.
• Domestic coordination, I am a rock star. Give me a project and stand back
• Gardening, disinterested

That little domestic revelation aside, I was watching 60 minutes while I pressed my business shirts and before they aired a shockingly obsequious interview with J'Ho (John Howard, Prime Ministerial side kick to the US President) they showed a segment about You Tube and in particular how it is providing a launch platform for talent that would otherwise not have access to public awareness.

The segment was in the usual self serious, breathless, surprised tone usually reserved for talking to people with little contact with technology about its many wonders BUT it did have some interesting content - which was a bit of a surprise really.

They showed a Sydney Band - Sick Puppies - who by posting a clip on You Tube 3 weeks ago shot themselves from unknown to well on the road to success.

I don't feel the need to jump on 60 Minutes bandwagon for content, heaven forbid, but the track, All the same ,  and the film clip really are BLOODY good. I am not a big one for guitar rock, but there is something ab out this track that is moving for me. And the film clip is simple and really clever, all the more because its showing a real person in Sydney. Watch it an you will see what I mean.

And if you want a copy of the track (I did) you can get it at the iTunes Music store.

Enjoy 

It's been a week of strange dreams. Some of them have been real doozies, and not the fantasy, dancing jalapeños with strawberry cricket bats or the super Mario flying kind. They have been dreams of things that I would like to happen, day dreams coming to me as I have slept with all the technicolour and full sense-o-round that asleep dreams have.

There has been no need to translate; I get what these dreams mean - both directly and indirectly. They are me dealing with the loss of a(nother) very substantial dream, the second most significant dream of my life. My capacity for hope in the face of adversity and defeat keeps trying to assert itself, when there is pretty much no hope to be had. I am clinging to the things that have made me happy in the past, even when they are no longer on offer

I recognize that the solution for me is the find new dreams, to find new things to fill my nights and my fantasies but the two things I dream about are so strong for me - my love of San Francisco, my life and my friends there; and my still abiding love for my ex.

One of these two I can do something about - San Francisco. The place keeps calling to me. I want to share an email that I got from a friend when he found out I wasn't making it over a couple of weeks back. I have paraphrased a little to protect his identity.

Sweetheart

I will call you as soon as I get to work tomorrow….or actually in the afternoon because you are ahead…..the BF and I were REALLY bummed. I looked for you everywhere. I kept my phone by my bed each night…..

We are hiring…..
I know you did not work in my area BUT, you are a seasoned PM and have incredible leadership qualities…..if you want, send me your resume and I can see what my boss says.

It is a thought. I will see what I can do on my end; if you want….I may know someone to help….you never know.

Love

T&T

And this is only one of a number of messages from people I haven't seen since April 2004. Is it any wonder that I feel like it's my home?

People ask me all the time why I want to leave Australia. The best answer I can give is that while this is a wonderful place, I would always want to come back here, and if things were different I would ABSOLUTELY have made a happy home here, right now it's not the place for me.

Here in Australia, and in Melbourne in particular, I am too big, too loud, too brash and to over the top. I startle and surprise far more than I delight. So do I change me, or my location? The truth is that the man the last 3 years have forged needs other horizons, other types of people.

So once I have regained some composure, I will see what the real outcome is in relation to the US. And failing that, things look quiet hopeful for London in the spring.

The question all of this leaves me with is - do you hold on to your dreams; high, fiery noble dreams; regardless of cost, work and fight for them for all you are worth, or do you surrender to the whims of chance and accept the dreams that fit into your circumstances and make the best of them?

Or does being true to yourself and also true to the world require some middle ground, and area I have long been bad at exploring.

In the meantime, I sit here with a milky hot chocolate and a tasty Cote D'Or Bouchee and hope that the sleep that's been avoiding me tonight will come soon. And that it will bring with it happy dreams complete with Marios Flying Cap.

This is actually a long standing blog crush, but I thought I would bring my simmering passion back to the fore.

Juan, aka Boozhy , is by far the most talented of the New York, gay blogging set†. He is also, along with Jon Stewart, one of my main sources of commentary on politics and current events in the US. He is witty, insightful and politically astute, not to mention kind of cute.

To be honest, when I get stuck trying to write something myself, Juan is one of the places I go to get the sort of "tone" I am looking for back in my head - not that I am any where NEAR as good a writer as he is, but it helps to have a great example to follow.

Interestingly, and slightly creepily, enough in a six four two degrees of seperation kind of way it turns out tht its a minor miracle that he and I havent met already. He made mention in a post that he had met a friends mother when walking another friends dog - blah blah blah, and said first friend is one of my nearest and dearest in the US.

Spooky, huh!

I guess there are only so many fags on the planet and I am about running out.

† No Billy, I am not including you n that - you are in a league of your own.

I had a thought the other day, about the nature of our world governments. And I am wondering if we haven't ended up back in some kind of monarchy.

I know that here in Australia, like many other countries† such as the US, the UK, Canada and Germany are nominally democracies of one stripe or another, but looking at how we talk about our government it feels like or heads of state are starting to regain the roles traditional place as all powerful monarch. We talk about the Bush Administration, or the Howard government as if the head of state is all powerful.

Meh!

The other day I heard that Director of Reconciliation Australia, Mick Dodson, has refused to deal with the Aboriginal Affairs Minister, Mal Brough, rather he will only deal with Mr Howard.

One - J'Ho shouldn't  be a one stop shop for everyones problems, no matter what he or random 16 year old school boys think.

Two - Dude! Can you not like work with someone to get a resolution. Phah. You can't pick your family, so stop getting your panties bunched about Mal Brough and get ON WITH IT. There are enough problems for Indigenous Australians with out you pulling a prissy. 

I am going to circle back to the whole "Head of State as Monarch" thing‡, but not tonight. Tonight we are going to have a little look at what happens when two of these new age Monarchs meet and greet.

No matter how powerful people become, basic school yard behaviour never seems far away. We know that the US is a little miffed at the Krauts about the whole not invading Iraq thing - cause, you know, that went so well. And if the Germans had joined in the blame would be spread a little thinner.

I also think that the US is still a little smug about the whole World War II thing.

At the recent G8 summit George Bush just didn't seem to be able to keep his hands to himself. He just had to step into Chancellor Merkels personal space with a bit of inappropriate behavior that in any other context would have earned any other person a trip to HR and some pretty serious counselling - that is IF the other party didn't press charges. In this case, since he is carrying the nuclear football it seems that we all shrug and look the other way.

Merkel at least clearly didn't appreciate the "gesture" but was able to give George a very clear NO MEANS NO. I must admit that I have an increased appreciation for George Bush's cultural illiteracy and rank stupidity courage. As anyone who has spent any time in Germany will be aware, you DON"T mess with the Hamburg Girls - they will FUCK YOU UP.

Given that Angela Merkel, a good Hamburger Fraulein, wiped the floor with cutely named, long standing incumbent of the role Gerhard Schröder. His good hair and craggy good looks (think Emilio Zegna model past his prime) was never going to save him once she got traction. Sorry dude. Personally I think its been a good transition for him. In my opinion, he was always going to be much happier following his musical career.

Covering the world from the tinyist, not to mention coldest flat in christendom is not an easy charge, but we here at Brave Creatures are deeply committed to boldy pursue the stories, the truth you need, no matter the cost.

Well enough of the truth to give you a general and fairly well slanted picture - or to get a gag out. Given the quality of journalism at the momnent we feel we are running well within the pack.

To improve the serivice to you are unpaying, but deeply devoted audiaqcne we here at Brave Creatures are starting to partner with other new affiliates to bring you more depth and insight on an issue, And in this case we are crossing live to New York City for some of Americas most hard hitting journalism on the Merkel Massage incident.

Thanks Jon .

† I dont include France in this list because they are too busy having sex and Italy because they are pretty much crazy.

‡ Oh and dont you know Betty Windsor is excited