b r a v e c r e a t u r e s

My mother, being fiercely patriotic and  not wanting me to forget how fabulous the home country is while I travel the old world, sent me this the other day. It got a laugh, I thought I would share.

It reminds me of Sharon and my "Observations on London" from 2001 - which I must get around to bringing up to date.

1. You know the meaning of the word 'girt'.

2. You know that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.

3. You think it's normal to have a leader called Kevin.

4. You waddle when you walk due to the 53 expired petrol discount vouchers stuffed in your wallet or purse.

5. You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

6. You believe it is appropriate to put a rubber in your son's pencil case when he first attends school.

7. When you hear that an American 'roots for his team' you wonder how often and with whom.

8. You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.

9. You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.

10. You pronounce Penrith as 'Pen-riff'.

11. You believe the 'l' in the word ' Australia ' is optional.

12. You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way to Maccas.'

13. You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

14. You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.

15. You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.

16. You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.

17. You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.

18. You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.

19. You believe that something resembling cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread.

20. You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.

21. Hamburgers. They contain Beetroot. Of course!.

22. You know that certain additional words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song - Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again.

23. You believe, as an article of faith, that the confectionary known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.

24. You still don't get why the 'Labor' in 'Australian Labor Party' is not spelt with a 'u'.

25. You wear ugg boots outside the house.

26. You believe, as an article of faith, that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.

27. You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.

28. Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.

29. You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude, while 'scuse me' is always polite.

30. You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion, via your nose.

31. You understand that 'you' has a plural and that it's 'youse'.

32. You understand that it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

33. Your biggest family argument over the summer concerns the rules for beach cricket.

34. You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.

35. You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.

36. When returning home from overseas, you expect to be brutally strip-searched by Customs - just in case you're trying to sneak in fruit.

37. You believe the phrase 'smart casual' refers to a pair of black tracky-daks, suitably laundered.

38. You understand that all train timetables are works of fiction.

39. When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.

40. You get choked up with emotion by the first verse of the national anthem and then have trouble remembering the second.

41. You find yourself ignorant of nearly all the facts deemed essential in the government's new test for migrants.

42. You know that, whatever the tourist books say, no one actually says 'cobber'. That's a load of cobblers!

43. 'Mate', on the other hand, is compulsory.

44. And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.

 

 

Have you ever noticed that Vladamir Putin looks remarkably like Dobby the House Elf?

With a name like G Force it just had to be good - Battle of the Planets was one of my all time favorite cartoons when growning up. It and Doctor Who were the two programs I would fight tooth and claw to watch. My sister stood no chance against my adolecent-mo powers when it came down to it.

I am going to partiually quote Wikipedia here, cause they do a great job of summing the show up 

Battle of the Planets casts five young people as G-Force, consisting of Mark, Jason, Princess, Keyop, and Tiny. G-Force protects Earth from planet Spectra and other attacks from 'beyond space'. Their main ship is The Phoenix, which can deploy four smaller vehicles, each operated by one team member.

A regular plot feature was the deus ex machina transformation of The Phoenix into a flaming bird-shaped craft able to handle virtually any exceptional situation by functioning something like a large blowtorch. The Phoenix's primary weapon was a large supply of rockets. It also occasionally flaunted a powerful solar-powered energy blaster, although the team usually had the misfortune of choosing very cloudy days to use it and fell back on the flaming bird thingie.

Battle of the Palents was very Japanese in it construction and themeing (why does an alient enemy need to make all of its wepons look and operate like earth animals - mythological or otherwise. I never got that), but somehow very American in its moral context. Tedious at times, but as a 10 year old it was like ambrosia.

Although I must admit that I never understood why the aliens from Spectra, in particularly the strangely hermaphroditic "Zoltan", could always lose even though they had such great outfits.

On a similarly homo-theme, I must admit I always wondered why Mark and Jason didnt get together. There was a REALLY high level of visible sexual tension between them. Apparently this, along with graphic violence, profanity and transgenderism was excised from the original Japanese series when it was preped for US and then Australian markets. 

I also had a thing for Marks hawk shaped boomarang doovy, which interestingly enough was echoed years later (and possibly unconciously) in the Spice Girls film clip for "Say You'll be there ", which fyi was the thing that made me appreciate how perfectly and delciously aweful the SG's were. Given the film clips combination of bad outfits, too much make up, cheesy kung fu moves and Vitoria Beckhams trademark rhythmless posturing, its amazing its tongue in cheek self depreciation 

When you look at it, its not all that astounding that all of these things are linked by my some what campy taste, now is it.

YAdda