b r a v e c r e a t u r e s

I thought it would be worth while to reflect a little on the past year. I set myself a few goals for 2006 so lets have a look at how I did.

First and foremost

> Be happier

Definitely!

After the appallingly unhappy years of 2004 & 2005, '06 has been MUCH better. I have been caring a whole lot less what other people think, been concerning myself with my own stuff and living within my own limits. I had put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect, get everything right and not fail at anything I do, and that's just not possible I am afraid. I think the biggest thing I am learning is to forgive myself my weaknesses and worry about the things that I can effect and control rather than all the things outside my control.

With a new job has come some opportunities to affirm my capabilities to myself. The last job I had in the US was pretty draining in the end, and with all the other things that were going on behind my back - lies, betrayal, infidelity - my confidence was pretty shaken. This new role has allowed me to regain some of my strength, while the year of so off has taught me to not value myself for my work alone.

> Learn Spanish

Not quite.

Having met quite a number of Francophone's at the start of 2006 I went for French instead.

J'ai étudié French pour six mois avec L'Alliance de Francaise et je jouis l'expérience. My french classes are all of Saturday morning, about 4 hours each week. Its pretty draining, but I like the mental challenge. Apparently I have a good accent and my construction is good, but I need to work a little more on my vocab. I suspect I will try studying a different way this year as I appear to be spending a lot of time shuttling to Sydney on the weekends, which is difficult if my Saturday mornings are taken up.

I am enjoying it a lot though so I don't plan to give it up. I would really like to spend some time in France soon, as I suspect that would really help. I am thinking I might need to relocate for a while to Europe so I can get some immersion.
 
> Physical Adventures

I work out a lot, and mostly I enjoy the exercise, but I feel that gym work is a bit limited and unreal so this year I wanted to do some more physical things. While I didn't get into a really regular routine with anything, I managed a few adventures.
In January of this year I went diving on the Great Barrier Reef with a mate from France, and had a fantastic time. I learnt to dive after visiting the Maldives with Stephen in 1996. I got my certificate after that and went diving a couple of times, but dating an (unadventurous) asthmatic put a bit of a crimp in that so I hadn't been diving for years.

Its a really beautiful and peaceful experience.

Even my overactive cognition slows to a putter when I am underwater and my head is full of only the sounds of my own breathing.

I also went rock climbing a few times, which TOUGH but great. Its made harder for me given that I am nearly 115kgs and that's a lot of weight to dangle from your fingertips. I think there are also some technical skills that I need to learn because I was pretty crap at it, but I think I might go on an adventure weekend this year and see if I can pick a few things up.

Gliding is not exactly a physical adventure, but it was a blast none the less. I had developed over the long dark tea time of the soul that was '04/'05 a bit of an aversion to heights and flying. I found I had gotten really anxious about it, so I figured the best way to deal with that developing fear was to face it.

Gliding is an amazing sensation, peaceful and not at all scary - which surprised me a bit. I didn't go in for any acrobatics, unlike my adventure partner, but next time I will. And i am sure there will be a next time.

I am working my way up to parachuting, but one step at a time I think.

> Finish my Masters

Oops. Didn't get this one done. But you cant do everything. I have until the middle of next year so I still have some time up my sleeve, but I need to get a wriggle on.

> See more of Australia

After travelling in America, I decided that I need to make sure I had seen more of my own home country before I stepped outside again.
This year I managed Cairns, Port Douglas, the Daintree, the Reef, Batemans Bay, Jarvis Bay, Canberra , Byron Bay, Lismore and the Yarra Valley. I want to do some more short trips this year coming and I REALLY want to get to Uluru. I have not seen the desert interior of my country and I want to. I would love to cross the Nullabore on the  Indian Pacific train, or go to Darwin on the Ghan. We will see how those plans come along.

All up I think I did pretty well for 2006, so now its time to start thinking about what's on for 2007. I will make a more definitive list by my birthday in mid January, but for now here are some opening thoughts.

> Plan less, be more in the moment
> Become more financially stable
> Save the deposit for a apartment for my mother and purchase said property
> Complete my Masters thesis
> Disconnect myself completely from my ex (there is still some peripheral entanglement, but I am chipping away at it)
> Travel overseas again
> More physical adventures
 - Abseil
 - Parachute
 - Rafting
 - Snowboarding

As a final note on 2006 I think I will remember it as the year that I learned my heart hadn't grown cold and hard. It seems as badly hurt as I was by my ex, my capacity to be open and trusting was only set aside, not forsaken. While I have been proving this to myself, there is someone who as been a catalyst. I don't know where things are going with him, but I do know that  I am enjoying it and I have missed him a lot while we have been off on our separate, long pre-planned, Christmas getaways.

In 2002 James, my partner of the time, and I went on an Atlantis cruise around the Western Caribbean, San Juan, St Croix etc, along with the trip to the Maldives with Steve and a week James and I spent in Sorrento, it was one of the most wonderful holidays I have had.

What is great about the cruises is that they are all of the good of a circuit party weekend, with out much of the bad, combined with the bliss of laying around in the sun. We both loved it and I came away with some good friends who to this day are an important part of my life, like Bruce and Billy.

There was plenty on the boat to do or not do as you chose. Tea dances, stage shows, dinners, lunches, hanging by the pool, parties and shore trips. There was also a lively trade in extracurricular activities if you were so inclined.

James is quite the honey, and provided he doesn’t dance in public he tends to get hit on a lot. As the boyfriend I was bathed in the reflected lust from the hawks circling around him. He is oblivious which just drives them NUTS.

It struck me on that trip how caught up some of our American cousins seem to be with categorization. They seem be determined to specify their make, model and operating interfaces and then to find partners who have the right, um, plugs. Back home in Australia, we seem to be more prepared to just wing it and do what comes naturally.

That or we are just trampier. I am not completely certain there.
In the afternoons, around 5pm, there were “Tea Dances” on the pool deck. Most of the boats party interested passengers would assemble and dance the afternoon away as the sun set and the boat sailed on from whatever lavish exotic location we had visited that day. One afternoon as I was standing on eh edge of the dance floor watching the hawks vie for James attention, one of them decides to try it on with me.

He was handsome enough in a Miami stretched, pumped, tanned and plucked sort of way but lord did he not have conversation skills. That seems to be that way, the prettier or bigger they get the less they seem able to hold down a conversation that doesn’t directly involve talking about themselves. The exclusion to this is Mark Schneider who is usually not too self involved considering how outrageously good looking he is.

So the hawk is trying it on with me and I am being all coy, funny and politely disinterested when he pulls what he must have thought was his killer line - “you know I am one of only ten tops on this boat, don’t you?”

What? Did I miss the survey when I came on board? How can anyone make that sort of statement? Firstly, they can’t know. Secondly - WHO CARES!

It never ceases to amaze me, given how moralistic and puritanical the populus American culture is about most things - hello, religious right in control of th three branches of government, that they are so forward about their sexuality. Always shoving it down your throats, as it were.

So suffice to say, I gave Mr. One of Ten his marching orders and went back to the pleasant (for me) pastime of watching James “dance”. A few minutes later another guy approached me, apparently he had been listening to the start of the pervious conversation because his opening line was “Actually, I am the 11th”.

If its not one thing, its another.