b r a v e c r e a t u r e s

I recently had a couple of reason to pause and reassess my presence on the internet. I had never thought particularly deeply on it, but lets face it this is a pretty much completely public space, just about anyone could be reading this. I guess that's part of the thrill.

The three incidents in question are quite different and quite instructive. The first was a mail from Harley over at Gayety who I have been subsequently corresponding with. He was a little surprised that I was so public about aspects of my life and wondered if I was concerned that my present or future employers might have trouble with some of my publicly declared antics.

Now Harley works for the government so its understandable that he might be a little careful on that score, although funnily enough he has been pretty open about some of his exploits as well. We talked it back and forward a bit and in the end I decided to remove a little bit of identifying detail but basically fuck-em-if-they-cant-take-a-joke. And given that most of my favorite jobs I have been hired at least partially because I will, and I am quoting here, add a little colour around the place. I recently used the phrase in a meeting "working with that vendor was like being raped on a beach by a recently released 300 lb convicted multiple murderer. Brutal, fast, abrasive, disorienting and really not what we had been hoping for. Plus no flowers after, not even a card." Given that, I suspect work has an idea of how my mind operates.

The second was a post over from Darien over at At Worst, My Best in which he kind of took me to task for an earlier post of mine that he seems to have disagreed with. In truth I did come across a little slutty, but in my defense I was kind of going for yuks, or as Jon Stewart likes to call them, snicks. I didn't much enjoy the implications of what he wrote, i.e. I am a perhaps a little shallow or in fact something of a "Ho", but it's his opinion, its his blog and basically what he things has precious little real impact on me. But at the VERY SAME TIME I really do appreciate his opinion, enjoy talking to him and want to maintain a conversation. He is a great writer (I think), seems like a good guy, has a well informed set of opinions that don't always match mine and he is happy to share with me. He is a good conversationalist. Regardless of what Darien says of me in the course of these partially public conversations, and of course there are some limits, I don't feel that I need to cut him off because he has displeased me.

So at last we come to our final example. I posted something I thought was fairly innocuous as a comment on a blog that I read occasionally. There was some sort of power thing going on with the New York Blogging Fagarati. They get all snippy with each other and one had used his evil power to block another from some bar because the second had said semi-mean things (actually quite funny) in HIS blog.

It was all like "oh no YOU DINAUT!!!" (insert own head waggle). Got that? It is kind of he said/she said, I know. Anyway I get a mail telling me to go away basically. I am not planning on reveling who this is or quoting the entire email� but here is a snip "My blog is an account of my life — which spans two blocks. It is not an international review. … I think we'd all be better off if you just ignored me. Just quit coming to my site."

Snap! Girlfriends been told. Now this is the FIRST time I have commented I think and certainly the first time I have received an email. And while I am perfectly capable of being a nasty piece of shit when I want to be, I was pretty mild - I have confirmed this with both Barbie and Miss Manners.

So what's the deal Chaniel? If you are posting your life on the internet, are you expecting no one but your friends to read it? It is a public internet last time I checked. And if you don't expect people to read it, then why would you have blog ads on your site? That does imply some expectations of readers or at the very least tweaked out friends who sit there and click manically until their meth wears off. So is the expectation that no one is going to challenge him? No one is going to argue, or in my case tease? Lordy, that must be an amazing life. I am forever getting teased so I suppose its my expectation of life. But then I am kind of funny looking, annoying, socially abrasive and, as Barbie is so often at pains to remind me, completely lacking in fashion sense‡.

Maybe my feeling about this will change once I have had an blogsquatter giving me grief or an internet stalker, but at this point I am left with a few questions. Am I weird that I like the conversation this blog brings me? Is it strange that I don't get particularly upset when I am challenged? Is it really something to boast about to say that your life can be defined by two city blocks, regardless of the city? If that's all your world is, do you really need a blog to communicate? Is ego stroking all that a blog is about?

Na, thought not.

as tempting as that is

‡ I really DIDN'T know that Birkenstocks were the new loafer