Taking your lumps

So here I am sidling up on 40.

Its only 2 months away now, and I am still not particularly scared by it. It feels like a reasonable place to call the half way point of my life. Given my family history, I think making it to 80, baring accidents, is probably reasonable.

So whats change, whats different from who I was at 20?

Everything and nothing. I am calmer in way, usually better able to pick my battles. I am certainly battle scared, but I think my ability to heal that has diminished. Instead I am learning to 'walk with a limp' as it were. I am not even sure that if I was able to heal the damage thats been done, I would do so. Getting better seems to imply getting hurt again.

Besides, even with a limp I seem to be able to dance better, little own walk, than most people I meet. Is that arrogant? Probably. Actually according the the Moose I am not arrogant, I am egotistical. I should check the dictionary on that and see if its better. He seemed to mean it as a compliment – or at least with something like affection.

You take what you can get – right?

Our emotional lives seem to be like fine china. Beautiful and perfect and shiny when they are new, but over there years there are unavoidable chips and nicks that come from wear and tear. If you are lucky they will be cared for by someone who cherishes them. If you are not then the damage builds up and eventually you wont be able to put the handle back on that sugar bowl.

Lesson to be learned – be careful with what you have, they might not make that pattern any more.