Brave Creatures

61265 is too many minutes

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Random piece of news trivia this.

Blizzard released an expansion pack for World of Warcraft late last week - which would explain why my development and infrastructure teams areshy about 75%of their staff Friday last week through to tomorrow. I didnt correlate it until I saw the release annoucement this morning.

This means that it is quite possible that, at this very moment, somewhere in an imaginary forrest, someone who is responsible for getting my projects virtual servers online is* doing battle as a blue skined, white eyed, melony breasted elvish mage with unimaginable evil.

Or something.

okay then - extending my projects timeline a couple of days for "battle damage".

*I am making this up, I dont actually thing that any of my team are blue skined, white eyed, melony breasted elvish mages**

** Dwarves maybe***

***seriously thought, I am making this all up. They are a very hardworking bunch of people and would never frivilously take time off for something like this.

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Its week 46 of the year - and I am sure I only remember 43 of them.

Although I do remember billing for all 46 so I guess thats right. My capacity to get myself paid is legendary, almost as legendary as my capacity to spend.

As my grandmother said, if you are going to live hand to mouth, you better be amidexterous.

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So here I am sidling up on 40.

Its only 2 months away now, and I am still not particularly scared by it. It feels like a reasonable place to call the half way point of my life. Given my family history, I think making it to 80, baring accidents, is probably reasonable.

So whats change, whats different from who I was at 20?

Everything and nothing. I am calmer in way, usually better able to pick my battles. I am certainly battle scared, but I think my ability to heal that has diminished. Instead I am learning to 'walk with a limp' as it were. I am not even sure that if I was able to heal the damage thats been done, I would do so. Getting better seems to imply getting hurt again.

Besides, even with a limp I seem to be able to dance better, little own walk, than most people I meet. Is that arrogant? Probably. Actually according the the Moose I am not arrogant, I am egotistical. I should check the dictionary on that and see if its better. He seemed to mean it as a compliment - or at least with something like affection.

You take what you can get - right?

Our emotional lives seem to be like fine china. Beautiful and perfect and shiny when they are new, but over there years there are unavoidable chips and nicks that come from wear and tear. If you are lucky they will be cared for by someone who cherishes them. If you are not then the damage builds up and eventually you wont be able to put the handle back on that sugar bowl.

Lesson to be learned - be careful with what you have, they might not make that pattern any more.

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My creative output is significantly better, higher and more consistent when I am miserable. My sex drive is also lower and higher - which is both confusing (for everyone involved) and frustratingly pointless.

Isn't that wizard

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I seem to have an endless capacity for finding music to be miserable to, along with music to lip sync to. I suspect part of the attraction is David Archuleta's resemblance to the Dropbear. Tiny, darkhaired, beautiful lips and perfect. Actually DB is better looking (of course I think this).

Shai LeBoeuf is also distractingly similar, which made watching Eagle Eye both more difficult and arrousing than it should otherwise have been. It's definately the lips and the eyes in that case.

All that aside, I have been listening to David Archuletas album to death since its release. The playcount in iTunes is a touch embarrassing, especially for this song. But there you have it.

Falling
David Archuleta

Feels like my life’s been passing by
With happiness just bein' a lie
How did I get here, where am I going?
One more day without knowing
Struggling for one more breath
As I’m drowning in a painful death
Can someone reach out for me?
In this dark and dreary sea

'Cause it seems like no one can
Hear the voice that’s calling
Try to take the most I can stand
But I keep falling

I try to chase the memories away
But they haunt me everyday
I hope I get over this phase
'Cause I’m stuck inside this haze
All I need is a simple lift
Such a sweet and precious gift
So I don’t lose it all before
What I have left is nothing more

In my isolating misery
I feel like the epitome
Of darkness and despair
Just leading onto nowhere
Will I be able to win this race?
I’m runnin' at a slow pace
Trying hard to press on
But the motivation’s gone

'Cause it seems like no one can
Hear the voice that’s calling
Try to take the most I can stand
But I keep falling

Oh

I try to chase the memories away
But they haunt me everyday
I hope I get over this phase
'Cause I’m stuck inside this haze
All I need is a simple lift
Such a sweet and precious gift
So I don’t lose it all before
What I have left is nothing more

It may not have to be this way
Waiting for me they could be a new day
Maybe I can revise
And escape from the lies

I try to chase the memories away
But they haunt me everyday
I hope I get over this phase
'Cause I’m stuck inside this haze
All I need is a simple lift
Such a sweet and precious gift
So I don’t lose it all before
What I have left is nothing more

There could be something more
To what my life may have in store
I’ll move from where I began
Keep on pressing through to the end

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There will be Blue Birds over the White Cliffs of Dover? The bluebird isn't native to Europe or the UK. Some stupid american songwriter came up with that one. An early example of the US foisting there culture (and animals) on the rest of the world.

In Australia, any bird stupid enough to sing just because its happy gets eaten by the giant, incredibly toxic, jumping spiders - unless its covered in inch long, razor sharpt spikes.

This should tell you everything you need to know about the emotional life of my homeland.

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Yo pron. He or she. First heard in Baltimore schools ("Yo is a clown"), this gender-neutral pronoun has piqued the interest of linguists, whose widely publicized observations are edging the word into general usage.

Thanks to the folks at Wired for this

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At the end of 2005 I started this blog for two reasons. Today it seems those reasons are freshly relevent.

The first was as a way to practice writing. I had been at film school for 9 months, and according to my lecturers I didn't completely suck at it and perhaps working on it regularly would help improve things. I feel like it's really time for me to focus again on some of the parts of myself that I have, to a lesser or greater extent ignored since I have come to London. This is one if them.

The other reason for writing was as an outlet for the things I was thinking and feeling in relation to the end of a long relationship. While that one is now well behind me, the battlefield that is dating amongst gay men in London takes it's own special tole, and it needs an outlet too.

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Absense doesn't always make the heart grow fonder.

Sometimes it just makes it cold and sad.

Fuck it.

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