Brave Creatures

A word that no on can really understand without experiencing it

Betrayal - n 

1.    to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty: Benedict Arnold betrayed his country.
2.    to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.
3.    to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.
4.    to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.
5.    to reveal unconsciously (something one would preferably conceal): Her nervousness betrays her insecurity.
6.    to show or exhibit; reveal; disclose: an unfeeling remark that betrays his lack of concern.
7.    to deceive, misguide, or corrupt: a young lawyer betrayed by political ambitions into irreparable folly.
8.    to seduce and de

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We (and by that I mean the Director and I) are really happy with how the shoot has been going, although there have been a few hiccups - all of which we have dealt with - due in no small part to the unflagging dedication of the crew - in particular the 1st AD - who has been amazing.

The thing that occurs to me at times like this is how proud of of James would be if he were still part of my life. Its funny how much that thought motivates me. Sure I am proud of me too, I have done really well in the last two years and while this isnt the best organised film of the four I have produced, its going to be one of the best I suspect. Not only that I have made some real inroads in changing who i am for the better.

All of that is true and I still miss James being proud of me. He had a way of looking at things, of appreciating me that made of feel very special. At times like this I miss him, I miss having someone to come home to, someone to share the excitement of my days. 

I have said this many times, and James actually said something to this effect the last time we spoke - I am very suited to being in a relationship.But for now I am not, and I am doing fine on my onw. Tonight I am very tired from a long couple of days on location, so I am going to shower and put myself to bed knowing that while I havent done a perfect job, I can be proud of what I have managed. 

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