Reminders of Sydney
I was up in Sydney for a couple of days this week for some business and it was a pleasure to go back. I lived there for nearly 10 years, nearly 10 years ago but it's been at least 18 months since I was there and YEARS since I spent much time there. There were a few things that really jumped out at me about the place.
- Stunning blue sky in winter - don't get that in Melbourne*
- Torrential down pours
- No cabs what so ever when it's raining
- Very friendly but superficial and emotionally distant boys
- Melbourne bashing e.g. "ooh how do you live THERE - isn't the weather awful". See my comment re torrential downpours
- A desperate need for validation of Sydney as an international city - I heard "as good as LA" three times in 2 days, and I have to ask myself why you would want to be
- GREAT public transport - I am such a train whoreRelaxed clothing and hair that doesn't need to make a statement. Brown puma trackie on the right butt and/or worn with the right attitude are more haute than the in-est of European designer
- Muscley boys, at least compared to Melbourne
- Overhearing conversations about business, finance and global current events rather than hair, clothes and what other people were "seen" doing
- Overhearing conversations about peoples sex lives that make you think "wow that's hot" rather than "wasn't that in Dolly?"
- Olympic inspired refurbishment of the streets - the place still looks immaculate almost 6 years later. That didn't happen for the Commonwealth Games, let me tell ya.
Having been the only muscle bear in the village for the last 2 years, and not at all the fashion of the place, I have grown used to getting little or no attention from the inhabitants of Stepford Melbourne. Imagine my surprise and delight to be actually approached in cafes and pursued down the street by GOOD looking boys wanting to presses their, um, phone number on me.
Now I recognize that this is partially because I was out where-the-wild-things are which doesn't happen much in Melbourne, but it was also because the people in Sydney are a bit more forward, more direct, more like me in some ways.
All of this in 3 days 2 nights - and I didn't get to most of my old haunts like City Gym, Tamarama, Redleaf or Paddington. It was good to remember the good and the bad about a place you have lived and loved, and it got me thinking about the differences between Sydney and Melbourne - particularly since I am preparing to start shopping for a new city to call home.
I think part of the reason Sydneysider are more outgoing is because they are more transient, in lifestyle as well as in relationships. They more ambitious and are always on the look out for the next opportunity to upgrade lifestyle, standing, friends and lovers. So as an apparently new conquest I appear to have been something of a two day sensation.
Lucky me.
I was flattered but not fooled. I am aware that they move on as fast as they move in, that one of the reasons I left. There was a joke around town - "what does a Sydney boy bring on a second date?" Answer, "what second date?"
There is quite a contrast between Sydneysider and Melbournians behavior on this sort of social front.
The southerners are a much more closed shop, they stick to the people they know and tend to be a little unwelcoming of newcomers. I have heard from a few people that it took them a couple of years to develop a social network in Melbourne. I know this is all something of a generalization, but I think they tend to be more stable in their social circles and are much less interested in meeting new people because they still mingle with people they have known all their lives. They grew up here and so they still have all the friends they made since they were in high school.
Let's face it, if you're up to your Dunbar number, and you know they aren't going to leave you, why would you bother to get to know other people? I don't think this is a conscious behavior but its there, even some of the nicest people I know here do it.
So is this a better approach than Sydneys much sluttier friendlier but more transient behavior?
Given how I feel about loyalty, you would expect me to say yes resoundingly, but not so much. It seems that this closed social circles leads, at least from what I can see, to some pretty closed minded behavior. And it also seems to lead to personal complacency, the feeling that you don't need to change, to grow. And maybe in that sort of environment, you don't. For me however, with out growth there is only stagnation.
Personal examination isn't always easy, but an unexamined life is shallow and unsatisfying, that's not for me. Someone once said to me "I don't want to think about the things I have done wrong - it's just too upsetting". I am not sure what sort of life that leads to, but I don't think I want to find out. I have spent too much time trying to figure out how to NOT repeat my mistakes and how to actively take advantage of the things I do right.
Is Sydney's approach better than Melbourne's? No, I don't think so; they work for different people and at different times of life. Let's face it, when I was married and living here, I really didn't care if people didn't make an effort, if they were not welcoming, I had all the companionship and emotional fulfillment I needed.
As a single person it's been a different experience. The last two years have been a time of introspection so its been a good thing for me to have a low level of socialization, and its meant that the couple of friends here I have become very close with.
But the time of introspection is drawing to a close and somewhere there is a change coming. That change is going to almost certainly mean a relocation. I was nice to see Sydney and realize that I could live there again, although truth be told, my sights are set further a field.
PS I just want to say that both Sydney and Melbourne are wonderful places, with a lot to recommend either of them. People will love living in either place, and in my time I have loved being in both. To those people who might be offended that I am disrespecting either I say this - I am glad you have found a place that makes you so happy, and hope that one day I do to. For all its charm, I dont think Melbourne is that place for me.
*slap me - the skies in Melbourne were clearer and bluer the day I got back
