The One
Mixed into the regular things I think about; hair, food, shoes, food, dancing and food; there is the occasional deeper topic like climate change and evolutionary biology. I also occasionally think about the nature of human relationships.
Over the weekend I was thinking about the notion of there being one person for you in life, one perfect partner. Its a nice idea, but I have to admit that it doesn't seem very realistic. Except in hindsight. Looking back over a lifetime with a partner its easy to say "they were the one" but at the start of a relationship is it really that possible to judge. And is someone being "the one" a product of our intrinsic natures, or is it a product of two people being prepared to work together?
Now I will admit right now that I am HUGELY romantic, but even given that my sense is that a successful relationship comes out of being prepared to work together, talk through you differences and make a long term commitment to being together. In this I feel like I am dreadfully 1950's in my approach, but I can't see the point in forever looking over my shoulder to see if there is someone better waiting in the wings. For me there is a huge value to shared experience.
This was really highlighted for me in a recent meeting with my ex, Steve. After 9 years apart, with very little contact, there was a sense of connection that was impossible for either of us to ignore or deny. I am not saying that we were about to leap across the table and have at it there and then. Neither of us is interested in getting back together. It was more the sense of something shared, something deeper and more profound, that made the conversation something other than just a chat.
There is another end to the spectrum, the current relativistic notion that relationships last until some lesson is learnt and then we move on. This feels to me like a cop out, a way to wiggle out when the going gets tough, a way to shrug off our responsibilities to each other, and ourselves. But if you abandon someone when they need you, how can you expect to be supported in your own time of need? And arnt relationships about support as much as they are about having a good time?
Don't get me wrong, I want my relationships to be characterised by laughter and fun, but the truth is that life is not all good times. There are troubles to be faced and if you cant face them with the support of your partner, what use are they?
My feeling is that there isn't a "one" out there for me, any partnership that I have will be built out of mutual respect and commitment, out of a choice to make each other the one.
In the end, for me, it is these choices that define who we are.
So who are you?
