Fool for love
I am such a fool for love.
Once there is a feeling there with some one, I can see no obstacle that I will not try and get past for them. No mountain too high, no river too wide. I am foolish, and romantic, and determined, and constant, and unflagging and devoted. Be warned that if you accept my love, if you pull that trigger, the gun is fired and stopping it is like trying to halt a bullet in flight. It's not impossible, but someone will get hurt.
Most probably me.
Take James for example. Even with all that has happened, even though I say mean thing about him, I still adore him. I am still in love with him. I would still give us a chance to work things out. I have never given up my devotion to him.
People say they are looking for that level of commitment but my experience is that they are not. Commitment is costly, it requires that you let go of your escape clauses, those little ways out that people build into their mental picture of what their relationship is about. "I'm not sure"; "It's just for now", "for the time being". The trade off that real commitment makes is a preparedness to work for the relationship and put it first. To talk about what you are really feeling and what you really want, and being prepared to negotiate that in a partnership.
To my great surprise and delight I have found that I still believe in a life long commitment. I still believe in it and it's still what I want for my life. Maybe I am foolish and old fashioned and unrealistic. Maybe no one would want to be with someone like me, someone who believed in the things I do. And maybe someone will.
I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and I suspect that hasn't been making enthralling reading, so I am sorry for that. The truth is that I have met someone who makes me smile more that I have in about 3 years. And while I am not going to say that I am in love, I will say that I believe it might be possible.
I am not going to put the burden of expectation on him, I am not THAT stupid. He might be for me, or he might not. For now it is enough to enjoy feeling like this again and to see where it might go because one day he, or someone else, will come along and capture my heart again.
They will be brave enough to pull the trigger.
