audentes fortuna iuvat

I am such a fool for love.

Once there is a feeling there with some one, I can see no obstacle that I will not try and get past for them. No mountain too high, no river too wide. I am foolish, and romantic, and determined, and constant, and unflagging and devoted. Be warned that if you accept my love, if you pull that trigger, the gun is fired and stopping it is like trying to halt a bullet in flight. It’s not impossible, but someone will get hurt.

Most probably me.

Take James for example. Even with all that has happened, even though I say mean thing about him, I still adore him. I am still in love with him. I would still give us a chance to work things out. I have never given up my devotion to him.

People say they are looking for that level of commitment but my experience is that they are not. Commitment is costly, it requires that you let go of your escape clauses, those little ways out that people build into their mental picture of what their relationship is about. “I’m not sure”; “It’s just for now”, “for the time being”. The trade off that real commitment makes is a preparedness to work for the relationship and put it first. To talk about what you are really feeling and what you really want, and being prepared to negotiate that in a partnership.

To my great surprise and delight I have found that I still believe in a life long commitment. I still believe in it and it’s still what I want for my life. Maybe I am foolish and old fashioned and unrealistic. Maybe no one would want to be with someone like me, someone who believed in the things I do. And maybe someone will.

I have been thinking a lot about relationships lately, and I suspect that hasn’t been making enthralling reading, so I am sorry for that. The truth is that I have met someone who makes me smile more that I have in about 3 years. And while I am not going to say that I am in love, I will say that I believe it might be possible.

I am not going to put the burden of expectation on him, I am not THAT stupid. He might be for me, or he might not. For now it is enough to enjoy feeling like this again and to see where it might go because one day he, or someone else, will come along and capture my heart again.

They will be brave enough to pull the trigger.

Tweet This Post

I may not be able to talk to you right now, want you to know that I wish you all the best.

I hope your 37th year treats you very well and brings you the wonderful things you really deserve. And just maybe one great thing that you dont think you do.

Love

R

Tweet This Post

I think I have a sick headache over this one.

For just a second I thought that supporting the American people might have become a priority for American Presidents after they have left the Whitehouse. The Bush-Clinton Katrina Fund really looked like it was a truely humanitarian effort – but alas no.

Its seems that former first lady Barbara Bush has donated an undisclosed amount of money to the Bush-Clinton Katrina Fund with specific instructions that the money be spent with an educational software company owned by her son Neil.

I am not sure if this is illegal, but its sure in remarkably bad taste and shows the Bush dynasties continuing contempt for the American people.

I think I am going to go back to watching Commander and Chief, at least Gina Davis’ Presidency is intended to be a fiction.

Tweet This Post

Tweet This Post

irritable male syndrome n.

Anger and irritableness in men caused by a sudden drop in testosterone levels, particularly when brought on by stress. Also: IMS.

Example Citation:
Feeling anxious? Irritable, too? Has the stamina that used to fuel days and burn up the nights hit the road? …

Check your engines, gentlemen. There are thousands of males out there in the same sorry state, but now – thanks to a research scientist in Scotland – the condition has a name.

“Irritable Male Syndrome,” that state of hypersensitivity, frustration and anger is now used to describe men who suffer from testosterone deficiency. And while the condition may have been around for ages, the diagnosis suggests that men may be just as vulnerable to the complexities of biology as women. “This is very common,” said Dr. Philip Aliotta. “Low levels of testosterone manifest in irritability, depression, weak muscles, loss of self-esteem. Men have no interest in the joys of life. Their libido has dropped. Their interest in intimacy is declining. Sexual function diminishes. Work performance suffers. Oftentimes they are misdiagnosed as being depressed.
-Jane Kwiatkowski, “Goodbye, testosterone,” The Buffalo News, January 28, 2003

Earliest Citation:
It has to be said that her husband, Prince Philip, hasn’t helped the monarchist cause by asking an aboriginal leader: Do you still throw spears at each other? The Prince, bored by more than half a century in the passive role of royal consort, specialises in this kind of remark. On a visit to China, he once referred to the Chinese as slitty-eyed. The Australian tribal leader, William Brin, to whom he addressed the enquiry, said he wasn’t offended but surprised. I just told him: ‘No, we don’t do that any more’, he said. There has been the predictable outcry, but it doesn’t seem an altogether unreasonable question, given the tendency of some Australian aboriginals to emphasise their tribal roots by dancing semi-naked, painting their bodies, and doing other old-fashioned things. Who knows? They might easily still throw spears at each other. But obviously it was unwise of the Prince to ask the question. It may be that he suffers from the newly identified irritable male syndrome.
-Alexander Chancellor, “The Good Prince,” Slate Magazine, February 25, 2002

Tweet This Post

Oh my god!!

The french are making fabulous pop songs! I dont even need to know what it means, and it makes me feel SASSY!

Dernier Espoir by Myriam Abel has had my toes tapping all the last week. I was pointed to it by soimeone pretty fabulous so there may be an association, but she stands on her own.

Myriam Abel is the third ‘Pop Idol’ winner in France. She’s also the first woman to win this fspin off of the global dominating American Idol francise. Her debut single ‘Donne’ (Give) went to the french Top 3 in 2006 and this is another single from the Album.

Tweet This Post

After a dip into the personal, its probably about time to focus back on the rest of the world for a bit.Australia’s North and Central Queensland has just been hit by a cyclone, a hurricane in northern parlance that has devastated the cost and a surprising distance inland. Cyclone Larry was a cat 5 storm, which puts it on a similar scale to hurricane Katrina, the storm that left New Orleans devastated late last year.

Now its important to note that the Innisvale region of central Queensland where Larry made landfall is nowhere near as populated as coastal Louisiana, nor is it as low lying and exposes as New Orleans, but none the less there has been no loss of life, the emergency services swung into action before the storm and within two days the Little J’Ho was announcing comprehensive support packages for the farmers whose entire crops were whipped out.

I am not blowing Australia’s trumpet overmuch on this, I think that the response to Larry is appropriate, well sized and timed. I think the US reaction to Katrina was and continues to be appallingly slow. It seems like the majority of the money being spent on Katrina was by the media outlets covering it. If the money it cost to get those reporter all over the gulf states, if the transport had been used for food and medical supplies, if the energy had been used helping rather than to feed the voyeuristic desires of the American people, perhaps things would not have gone so amazingly badly.

Tweet This Post

When I was in my 20s I met* some incredible mid 30’s to mid 40’s men. They were worldly, smart, experienced, interesting and almost universally, seemingly inexplicably, emotionally fragile. These astounding, muscular, handsome, successful men were all incredibly gun-shy. And now I think I understand why.

In my 20’s I was fearless. Nothing could hurt me and I could survive anything. Now, I know better. There are things you don’t survive without taking serious damage, and once you have been through them, you tend to be a little skittish of them happening again.

But I seem to have turned a corner, and maybe I am ready to put myself back on the line again. Surely the chance to feel love for someone and to be loved in return is worth the risk.

* had wild, amazing, filthy sex with

Tweet This Post

hedonic treadmill n.

The tendency for a person’s economic expectations and desires to rise at the same rate as his or her income, resulting in no net gain of satisfaction or happiness.

Example Citation:
Looking at the data from all over the world, it is clear that, instead of getting happier as they become better off, people get stuck on a “hedonic treadmill”: their expectations rise at the same pace as their incomes and the happiness they seek remains constantly just out of reach.
—John Lanchester, “Pursuing happiness,” The New Yorker, February 27, 2006

This is something I used to be massively guilty of. Now a days I seem to be finding more joy in type two style happieness – being debt free and seeing myself work towards my long term goals – and only the occasional modest type one lash out.

Truth be told, the sort of thing that really makes me happy is having my hand held by someone important. No one in that role right now, but these days I am less doubtful that this will always be the case.

Tweet This Post

No not that Tina.

Tina Arena. Tiny Tina Arena the darling of the Johnny Young Talent School and one of Australia’s most amazing, and under appreciated, recording artists. She has been living and working in the UK and France for the last few years and had dropped off my radar but someone fabulous let me hear a couple of tracks from a new french language album, “Un AutreUnivers”, which got me looking for more of her work.

It turns out that there was a album from her that I had missed, so a quick trip to the music store and I had them both.

“But I Lied”

Wonder if it’s always been this bright
I could never tell you where it all went wrong
Because you were always right
I could spend a lifetime handing out the blame
I could call it all a big mistake
But love that we are given never goes away
It just changes every day
Guess I’ll find it if I wait
And every day gets better, everything is almost fine
‘Cause every night I’m still pretending you’re not on my mind

But I lied
There’s nothing in your heart that I don’t understand
I know yesterday has come and gone
Wishes are like water slipping through my hands
And I never could hold on
Truth is complicated when it comes to you
Every edge is dangerously rough
Nothing ever changes but my point of view
And today I’ll call it love
As if calling was enough
And every day gets better, everything is almost fine
‘Cause every night I’m still pretending you’re not on my mind

But I lied, But I lied, But I lied
Stumbling through this journey is an uphill climb
So much effort gone and more to come
If I was to make love to you one more time
Would I wonder what I had done? Would I be the only one?
And every day gets better, everything is almost fine
‘Cause every night I’m still pretending you’re not on my mind
And every day gets better, everything is almost fine
‘Cause every night I’m still pretending you’re not on my mind
But I lied
Yeah yeah

Tweet This Post