Jumped

Let me be clear. My current plan is to never have sex again. As unlikely as that sounds, and I freely admit that it is an extreme reaction to being what can only be described as betrayed, it is a position I am very comfortable with. At this point its just easier to draw a line under it and call it done.

Of course my friends like Hardware and Babs just roll their eyes and say “yeah yeah”, but for once I agree with some that just not thinking about it might be better.

Not having had sex, for what is actually quite a long time now, has brought some things up for me. Not the least of which was a short review of my indifference to porn.

Net result, porn still doesn’t do it for me. I think this is partially because I just know too many people in the films and I quite simply cannot suspend belief enough to see them as anything other than a mate (or in some cases a big girl). The main reason however is that I need to see and smell and touch and talk and laugh. Just seeing aint enough.

Another thing that all this abstinence has caused me to be aware of that to an extent I have always based some of my self esteem on guys finding me attractive. And of course a sure fire way of proving that is to shag them.

Validation by fucking. How endearing.

So celibacy has caused me to re-evaluate that. Since I am not getting laid, and I truly need some self esteem, I have needed to find other sources. My skills in table-scaping and my keen sense of fashion were the first things that came to mind.

Details, and nearly terminal epididymal wedge pressure aside, its been an interesting and beneficial process. A spin off of all this is that I don’t really see guys as sexual opportunities. So imagine my surprise when I get directly and forthrightly hit on this morning.

I have seen this guy around the gym, he is kind of cute and seems to look furtively in the change room. Of course I noticed, I am celibate not DEAD. He is about 5’10″, 190lbs and while he hasn’t got the hardest looking body in the world, he has a good solid shape on him. Sandy blond, blue eyes and a slow, sweet smile that either says he has never had a bad thought or he is full of trouble. Handsome and one of the ways I like them, buff, boyish and shy.

Anyhow, I stopped in reception on my way out to try and sort some problems out with my membership and as a result we were ended up getting into the lift together.

Lets say I was not shocked.

So as I prepared to make small talk, `cause its always good to get to know people, he jumps me. With nothing more than a smile and a throaty growl he lunged across the lift and kissed me most thoroughly. I was so surprised that it took me, oooh, three or four minutes to pull away.

Its a slow lift, so it took a while to get down to the floor we were heading for. So of course I had to see if he had meant this kissing business. And it seems he did. He is a very good kisser I have to say.

When we got where we were going he pulled back he said “Don’t say anything, you are my morning sex fantasy motivation. Don’t spoil it”.

Then he turned and walked out of the lift.

Now there is no change in my position re: the sex thing, but I may go back and train there tomorrow morning.